Actively loving unconditionally...

Source: vi.sualize.us via Lindsi on Pinterest

I love the saying in the picture above because it opens our eyes to how we truly need to actively love like Christ, look past our own hurt, and see people for who they are! It is so easy to accept God's unconditional love through our own mistakes because it comes from a perfect Creator. We expect this love to pour over us in our times of darkness, failure, and regret, yet at the same time in our own sinfulness, we are hesitant to extend that same unconditional love to others. Our love has become 'defined' by our emotions and circumstances. If it's easy, convenient, or instant, then it is love. But if it takes time, effort, or swallowing our pride, it's easier to do nothing, or better yet let the other person apologize. I'm not just speaking of the love between married couples, but also family, friends and those around us.

What is love? The best definition of love can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (NIV)

 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance ... love will last forever!" (NLT)

I am guilty of loving with conditions as is everyone at some point, but what if we could transform our hearts with Christ-like love and have it be a more natural response, to love on our family and friends when our minds/bodies are telling us to cross our arms and stand our ground. I think many moms can agree with me that it's pretty easy to love your children when they are behaving, listening, and being respectful, however, it might be more of a challenge when your children are fighting, pulling each others hair,  or simply throwing their 'before dinner' temper tantrum. Like-wise, it's easier to show love to your husband when you both are agreeing on weekend plans, or you both had a good nights rest, but more difficult when exhaustion sets in or you've been home with fighting kids all day and your husband comes home only to ask what's for dinner and you shoot him a glance of, "I've been meeting there needs all day and now you want more of me?" (I type this with a guilty smile, because I have definitely been that wife.)

Let me be clear, I'm not saying I love my children or husband less because of the things I mentioned above, but it is definitely more of a challenge to 'actively love unconditionally' during these times and show patience & kindness, which in essence, is love. I actually read in a parenting book ( I can't remember the title exactly), that when a spirited child is having a melt down, one of the best things a parent can do, rather then try to get their crying/ screaming child to talk through it, is give them a firm hug. They explained that it gives the child a sense of security and calms down every emotion inside of them that wants to explode. I thought this was so interesting and it made me think how many times in the past I myself, have felt overwhelmed and how a big hug from my hubby or parents had reassured me that everything was going to be okay. I give this example, because it's the opposite of what we would normally do when working through a melt down with our children. We might send them to time out, or take a toy away. I'm not sure if your like me, but when my two girls (2&4yrs) get to arguing or fighting, my blood pressure increases and I sometimes feel like I'm in the fight with them. But to take a step back, show patience and then kindness by giving them a loving embrace when they don't necessarily deserve it, shows them unconditional love. I truly believe a transformation of both hearts takes place when this unconditonal love is shown.

Another example that is a little more intimate and personal was a few weeks ago my hubby and I got into a disagreement. Side note: Yes we have been married for 10 yrs. & together for 14 yrs., and are still the very best of friends and truly can not live without each other, but with that said, each day still takes effort on both our parts and we still have bumps along the way.

I can't remember what the disagreement was about (most people never do), but for whatever reason we were giving each other the silent treatment,  waiting for the other one to apologize because we both thought we were right. After putting the girls to bed, Jeff went out to the garage to work out, and I went into our room to read a book by Joyce Meyers I had purchased. I truly believe God uses everything around us to speak to us and I tell you the truth that when I opened up that book and started with the next chapter I was on, this is what it read "Maybe Some of It Was My Fault". Let me tell you, its a huge eye opener & heart changer, when you walk into your bedroom grumbling to yourself playing the victim and God shows you this! The natural reaction would be to fight it, to justify my position and convince myself it was all his fault. But I knew God was showing me in a loving way, to not be proud or boastful. That rather than focus on the problem that was dividing us, focus on the love that binds us and makes us one. I knew I needed to take the first step and apologize. When I told him I was truly sorry and loved him, I honestly felt something change inside of me, and I felt something incredible take place between us both. It didn't matter who was right or wrong. It wasn't even about the fight anymore.  In that moment we both actively displayed our unconditional love for each other and it was as if light broke through the darkness.

You might be saying to yourself, it was just a little squabble, not the huge deal your making it out to be. Honestly years ago, that's how I used to look at our marriage, it was pretty good, so why fix it. I am now learning that my relationship with my husband, my children, my family and friends are treasures to cherish and guard. I don't want decent relationships with any of them, I want incredible, blessed, and God-filled relationships. It was pastor Ted from East Hill who said, "You can't take anything with you when you die, except your loved ones with whom you have shown Christ." If God loves us in our imperfectness and through our sinfulness, how much more then, should we share this love of Christ with each other when we least deserve it.

I encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a daily and let it set your heart and mind in the right direction for each day. As children of God, we need to know what it means to actively love others unconditionally.

Slowing down and saying no...

I have the hardest time saying no to people. I think I have acquired this trait from my Mom in the sense that she is an angel and never wants to let anyone down. She always is doing so much for those  around her, she rarely has time for herself. My lack of saying no comes more from not wanting people to get upset with me. And so I often over commit myself, get exhausted running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and then become a huge grump. Thus, simplifying and rest have very much been a goal for me lately and more importantly something that God has really placed on my heart! I feel as though in the past I have raced through life, so much that I have missed God's direction for my purpose. I have set my priorities in the wrong place and focused on quantity rather than quality. My mind is often onto the next task, rather then being present in the moment. I have always, always as long as I can remember, been someone in the future rather then in the present. I have struggled alot with contentment, because I have always been thinking about what's next. I have prayed many times asking the Lord for a content heart, and what I didn't realize was that much of contentment coincided with rest and simplifying one's life. Lately when I have been asked to do something or be a part of something I have heard a strong voice inside my head telling me to say no. Not because I'm supposed to miss out, or because I don't want to enjoy peoples company but more-so because I truly believe the Lord is slowing my life down to almost a standstill so that I don't miss this time of growth and blessings. This season in my life has been one that I didn't expect and I know it is all for God's purpose and blessing, but one that has definitely caught me off guard. I have had an extremely sensitive spirit lately and have been feeling everything 120%, which as you can imagine makes life a bit harder. I also feel like the Lord is trying to show me alot about who I am and how strong I am. I have also yearned for a deeper relationship with both of my girls, one that shows them my heart, rather then just my ability to do chores and make meals. I want them to never question my unconditional love for them and know they always come first! I realized in order to make this possible, I would need to start simplifying and saying no, even if it meant potentially upsetting people or missing out. This is one of the huge reasons I all of a sudden quit making jewelry and had to say no to many custom orders. Putting my girls on the back burner was just something I couldn't live with anymore. Life has definitely been less stressful since I stopped making jewelry and I find myself not really missing the super late nights or sore fingers from putting multiple pieces together. The funny twist was that after I stopped making jewelry, I thought that was enough simplifying. However I have really felt God speaking to me in other areas of my life and wanting me to slow down even more. On one hand I feel lazy, and yet in my heart I have been thinking how nice this pace of life is. I no longer frequent face book, plan out my whole week or even blog regularly, all because I just feel God saying,  "slow down, soak in these moments and memories, because these are the moments that shape who your girls will become, how they nurture future relationships and how they view life."

Living for the life God has planned...

Sticky notes

Day planners 

Lists 

To Do's... 

This used to be my way of having a sense of control over my life. 

Source: whyichoosefaith.blogspot.com via Melanie on Pinterest

I have since come to realize, I have no control at all and in actuality, I don't want that burden on my shoulders. I would much rather take the hand of my Heavenly Father and let Him lead me. Not that my plans never worked out, they did. But it gets to a point when the planning wares you out, the lists become overwhelming and you start to realize you are the one keeping yourself in a box. A box of fear and self-doubt, and that if for some reason your day, week, month doesn't go according to your plan, you've failed or let some one down.

 I'm not saying it's not okay to have hopes, dreams, or desires for your future, but when you want to break down and cry or throw an adult tantrum because there was a hiccup in your day (this would be me:), or you didn't accomplish all the things on your to do list, then it's time to reflect on why the planning is so crucial to you. We all grow and change and now as I'm heading towards 30 I have realized, my plans are not necessarily my future. God has me right where He wants me to be and has made everything happen according to His plan. He doesn't want me to worry about tomorrow, He doesn't want me to plan my schedule so precise that I miss the day to day blessings, gifts, surprises. What He does want us to do is REST, yes rest, in His care. To TRUST that He loves us that much, that He has already figured out our future and will not give us anything we can't handle. And to THRIVE, thrive in our current circumstances and to make the most of these moments we have in front of us TODAY.

I still miss you...but now when I think of you I smile!

Source: s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com via OverRegnbuen on Pinterest

Dear Uncle Todd,
I was having a moment of weakness tonight, where I stood there feeling a little tired, a little defeated, and worn out by the things of this world. And as I stood there, my eyes caught a glimpse of your sweatshirt folded up on the shelf. Something inside of me needed a hug from you and needed to feel your love and joy you always spread to those around you. So I picked it up, held it out in front of me so I could take a good look at it, then pulled it in close and squeezed it tight. I know it may sound crazy, but as I hug it, it still feels like I'm hugging you and you are wrapping your arms around me tight in a big bear hug, smiling down on me saying, "little Lindsi, my little Lindsi, everything is going to be okay. A warm rush of comfort comes over me and I get a big smile on my face as I think about you looking down on me from heaven. I still think about you all the time and miss you like crazy. Though the time has healed the pain, you will always be in my heart and every time I think of you, I no longer shed a tear but get a big smile on my face because of the memories and legacy you left behind. You had a huge heart and all you did was give to others; your time, your talents, your love. I love you Uncle Todd. Thank you for the love and comfort you bring me and the incredible memories I will carry with me forever!

He makes all things new!

Source: labbryosukey.tumblr.com via Natalya on Pinterest

I have found myself tearing up a lot lately, but not because of sadness, but because I feel overwhelmed with love and blessings! God has cracked the shell of pride, insecurity, and imperfection on my heart and shown light through my brokenness to reveal His true and unconditional love. He has used the people in my life to display His character and take me by the hand to show me I am not alone. I thought I would be okay when I had everything together, when I felt somewhat perfect. But allowing others to see me in my brokenness is where I feel most like myself. I am real, I am me. Someone very dear to me once told me, 'No one expects you to be perfect, you just need to be you.' This not only erased all the pressure but it opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on how to live life!

Why women cry...

Found this on Pinterest and had to share:) Enjoy!

Source: thatmysteriousgirl.tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him. “I don’t understand,” he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.” Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?” “All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?” God said, “When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfaltering. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.” “You see my son,” said God, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.” Author: Unknown

Nature vs. Nurture...

Nature vs, Nurture...this has always been a huge debate. How does a child develop character and personality? Which has the most underlying influence on the growth and development? I have always thought both, but not in the sense of one really being a catalist or usher in the latter. You might be going, huh? What the heck does she mean? I'll explain.

I always thought that every child was born with innate characteristics and what the child was lacking or needing, the nurturing would somehow balance out. Kind of like a 50/50 understanding. In my head it has always made sense, that if something is broken, you fix it. Or if someone needs help, with something, you do it for them. That's helping right? Wrong.

Today, a light bulb just went on in my head, and I realized, that maybe I go about things in the wrong way when it comes to nurturing my girls growth and learning. My nurturing has not been 'nurturing' at all. Instead of nurturing 'the nature' part of my girls, sometimes I bend, force, or take over. I have little patience, yet I am constantly work on this area, hoping one day I can have patience like my Mother, who is practically an angel. No, really, she is! I guess, what I'm trying to say in not so many words (or a whole lot, lol), is if your anything like me, instead of trying to fix your children's short comings or weakness, rather then do it for them, or showing them to do it your way, try to 'nurture' their 'nature' so that they can grow to be who God made them to be. Nurture the areas they are still growing in and let them know that it's okay if they have their own way of coming to a solution or that you believe in their inner ability enough to step back and let them figure it out on their own. I think there is harm to being over involved in your children's growth and development. Sometimes parents have such high hopes and dreams for their children, that they start to take over and stunt their kid's natural gifts, talents, dreams, and opinions.
I look at my girls and it brings me to tears to think of Sophia trying to be who 'I' want or think she should be. The girl has a hard time with rhythm when it comes to dancing, but man does she love to dance! And I want her to always dance her heart out as if she's the best dancer in the world. I love art, but it doesn't mean that I need to push her in that direction because she should take after me. She could like math!?!

You don't realize until you become a parent, why your parents used to say,"because I just want what's best for you,or 'this is the way I do things'. And now I see and have experienced how easy it is to get wrapped up in the idea that we are the sole 'potter' for our children and who they become. No matter how much I try to make Sophia this passive little thing, she will NEVER be that way. She will always have an opinion, and see things in her own way. And I now realize how much I was trying to make her like me. It's sad, but the honest truth. I thought to myself, well this is how I was as a little girl, and this is how she should be. I wasn't used to the strength and motivation and independence that she portrayed from such a young age and rather than try to wear that down, I need to celebrate and nurture the fact that she will never take any guff from any guy and will never be anyone's doormat. Alot of her qualities, I wish I had. She is such an amazing little girl at the young age of 3 1/2. Most people think she's going on 5. She's a thinker and a do-er and so confident in her ability. It makes me feel horrible to think I was trying to change or stunt who God made her to be, simply because it did not fit the warped mold of 'the perfect little girl' that I had in my head. I put so much pressure on myself growing up, to be perfect in everyone's eyes, that I just now feel I am becoming who I'm truly supposed to be. I never want Sophia to be someone she isn't, or feel she needs to change to make others happy.I am so proud of my Sophia and that she goes at life with gusto, and yeah she may not have finesse, but she is strong and confident and absolutely loves life! I now see that her weakness were only weakness in my eyes, because of my perfectionist/achiever personality. Man, do you learn alot about life when you become a parent. I can almost bet, my girls are teaching me more, then I am, them. My hope is that as a parent, I bring out the natural best in my children, that these precious little girls the Lord has entrusted to me and Jeff blossom into the two incredible woman God has created them to be and that our nurturing does not stunt them, but rather assists them in their dreams and goals. This is what I think about as a parent and though my mind often worries, I know they are in God's care and provision and though I may fail them from time to time, He never will!