Nature vs, Nurture...this has always been a huge debate. How does a child develop character and personality? Which has the most underlying influence on the growth and development? I have always thought both, but not in the sense of one really being a catalist or usher in the latter. You might be going, huh? What the heck does she mean? I'll explain.
I always thought that every child was born with innate characteristics and what the child was lacking or needing, the nurturing would somehow balance out. Kind of like a 50/50 understanding. In my head it has always made sense, that if something is broken, you fix it. Or if someone needs help, with something, you do it for them. That's helping right? Wrong.
Today, a light bulb just went on in my head, and I realized, that maybe I go about things in the wrong way when it comes to nurturing my girls growth and learning. My nurturing has not been 'nurturing' at all. Instead of nurturing 'the nature' part of my girls, sometimes I bend, force, or take over. I have little patience, yet I am constantly work on this area, hoping one day I can have patience like my Mother, who is practically an angel. No, really, she is! I guess, what I'm trying to say in not so many words (or a whole lot, lol), is if your anything like me, instead of trying to fix your children's short comings or weakness, rather then do it for them, or showing them to do it your way, try to 'nurture' their 'nature' so that they can grow to be who God made them to be. Nurture the areas they are still growing in and let them know that it's okay if they have their own way of coming to a solution or that you believe in their inner ability enough to step back and let them figure it out on their own. I think there is harm to being over involved in your children's growth and development. Sometimes parents have such high hopes and dreams for their children, that they start to take over and stunt their kid's natural gifts, talents, dreams, and opinions.
I look at my girls and it brings me to tears to think of Sophia trying to be who 'I' want or think she should be. The girl has a hard time with rhythm when it comes to dancing, but man does she love to dance! And I want her to always dance her heart out as if she's the best dancer in the world. I love art, but it doesn't mean that I need to push her in that direction because she should take after me. She could like math!?!
You don't realize until you become a parent, why your parents used to say,"because I just want what's best for you,or 'this is the way I do things'. And now I see and have experienced how easy it is to get wrapped up in the idea that we are the sole 'potter' for our children and who they become. No matter how much I try to make Sophia this passive little thing, she will NEVER be that way. She will always have an opinion, and see things in her own way. And I now realize how much I was trying to make her like me. It's sad, but the honest truth. I thought to myself, well this is how I was as a little girl, and this is how she should be. I wasn't used to the strength and motivation and independence that she portrayed from such a young age and rather than try to wear that down, I need to celebrate and nurture the fact that she will never take any guff from any guy and will never be anyone's doormat. Alot of her qualities, I wish I had. She is such an amazing little girl at the young age of 3 1/2. Most people think she's going on 5. She's a thinker and a do-er and so confident in her ability. It makes me feel horrible to think I was trying to change or stunt who God made her to be, simply because it did not fit the warped mold of 'the perfect little girl' that I had in my head. I put so much pressure on myself growing up, to be perfect in everyone's eyes, that I just now feel I am becoming who I'm truly supposed to be. I never want Sophia to be someone she isn't, or feel she needs to change to make others happy.I am so proud of my Sophia and that she goes at life with gusto, and yeah she may not have finesse, but she is strong and confident and absolutely loves life! I now see that her weakness were only weakness in my eyes, because of my perfectionist/achiever personality. Man, do you learn alot about life when you become a parent. I can almost bet, my girls are teaching me more, then I am, them. My hope is that as a parent, I bring out the natural best in my children, that these precious little girls the Lord has entrusted to me and Jeff blossom into the two incredible woman God has created them to be and that our nurturing does not stunt them, but rather assists them in their dreams and goals. This is what I think about as a parent and though my mind often worries, I know they are in God's care and provision and though I may fail them from time to time, He never will!
