God's Good Timing...

I was reading in a Max Lucado devotional the other day and came across a topic that I myself, and many people I know and love are wanting to know the answer to, "When God, when?" When will we have enough money, when will I be healed, when will I be worry-free? I admit, I have a "patience" problem. And the problem being, I have no patience. After having Sophia, I have learned much patience and have felt my trust in the Lord grow because of this. I am slowly learning to let go of control and any agenda I thought I had planned. The funny thing is, I was never in control to begin with. I think the reason the thought of losing control scares me so much is that to let go of control one has to be vulnerable. I have never liked the thought of being vulnerable. I have always been guarded and a "do-it-yourselfer". But I have realized that many times in my life no matter how hard I try to change my circumstances, or make things go away, I simply cannot. I am going through this valley for a reason, and though I may feel that the Lord is not answering me or hearing my cry, He promised that we will never weather the storm alone ("I will be with you always" Matt 28:20) and though He may not come rescue us from our trials, He is right there alongside us and will reveal His purpose and plan to us in His perfect timing.

I am sharing this story that is close to my heart because I think it accurately displays God's heart and how much He loves us.

After my mom remarried a wonderful man, and me and my brother were a bit older, they decided they wanted to try to have kids together. Excited like every married couple is when they decide they want to have more kids, they had high hopes and many expectations. Well, as the months passed and no little pink lines appeared on the pregnancy tests, they started to get concerned. They bought fertility tests, fertility medications and my mom was constantly charting her temperature and such to predict ovulation. As the years went on I saw my parent's excitement dwindle and doubt set in. My mom even had surgery and both my parents underwent many tests. Except for a little scar tissue from her previous pregnancies, they couldn't find anything wrong with my mom or dad. Frustrated and defeated they began to think maybe they just weren't meant to have kids together. I remember praying to God every night asking Him and begging Him to let my parents have a baby because I knew that was the only thing they wanted more then anything. After 7 or so years of trying and many tears, they learned of invitro. They decided to check it out and set up a meeting with a doctor. The fact that nothing was physically wrong with my mom or dad, led the doctors to believe that the egg and sperm were just having problems meeting so the egg could be fertilized. My parents decided this would be there last attempt and if this didn't work, then maybe they were meant to adopt rather then have their own biologically. After the first session, they put four fertilized eggs in my mom and said they would have her come back to see if any of the eggs implanted and if she were pregnant. I remember the night before her doctor appointment, my dad was so excited he couldn't wait and begged my mom to take a pregnancy test. I was thirteen at the time and was so excited about the thought of having a little brother or sister! My mom ended up taking the test, and when she came out with a negative test, we were all pretty bummed. However, the next morning when she came back from the doctors she had wonderful news to tell us! She was in fact pregnant! I couldn't believe it! After so many years of trying, they had finally be blessed with a baby and I was going to be a big sister. They had also told her at her appointment that because they had put four eggs in, they would have her come back in a month to see if there was more than one baby. They checked her HCG levels and they were pretty low, so they said there probably wasn't more than one, but they would have her come back for a follow up appointment just as procedure. That afternoon my brother, Shawn, and I got home from school and my mom and dad were no where to be found. We were so anxious to know the results! On the fridge they had left the ultrasound photo hanging in clear view. It was almost comical because no matter how long or how hard we stared at that picture, we could not figure out the results. I was 13 at the time and my brother was 17. We had never seen one of these things before. The picture revealed a dark area (my mom's stomach), and three oval shaped white spots. When they finally got home, we ran up to them asking what they found out and what the ultrasound picture showed. They smiled and looked at each other and then at us and said, "we're having triplets!" My jaw dropped to the floor and I felt like I was dreaming! First we didn't even think she was pregnant, then the doctors tell us there's probably only one baby, and now I am going to be the big sister of triplets!? As we look back now, we realize how perfect the Lord's timing is and His plan for our family all along. Though we thought He wasn't hearing our cry, He was just preparing our family for the three blessings He was going to give to us. When I prayed for one baby and asked, "Lord why can't my parents have a baby?" He wasn't ignoring our prayers, nor was He saying no to their desire for another child. Rather He was preparing our family for the multiple babies He was going to bless us with.

God was in control and knew all along what was best for our family. Had my parents become pregnant with triplets sooner, they would have not been able to afford the enormous medical bills. The triplets were 3 months early and had to be in the hospital for 2 months. For each baby, it cost 1,000's of dollars a day to have them in the NICU. Our entire extended family joined together and prayed daily for the triplets to grow strong and healthy. My parents also had so much help and support from family and friends at this time in their lives and my mom was able to take all the time she needed off of work to rest and heal and my dad had some money saved up just because that helped pay the medical bills. I was also at the age where I could really help my parents and would take night shifts so that they could try to get some sleep.

My 11 year old sister Cassidy (one of the triplets)

My two 11 year old brothers, Cole and Cameron

When my parents first began trying to get pregnant, they never thought they'd see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now we all look back and see that the Lord was in control and paving the way for His numerous blessings He was going to give to our family the entire time. And my parents had to be patient for almost 8 years! Don't lose hope! Our God is a good God and He knows our needs and the desires of our heart. He is always in control and wants to bless us. We just have to let go of the reins and hand them over to Him.

I love how Max Lucado puts it:

"Though you hear nothing, he is speaking. Though you see nothing, he is acting. With God there are no accidents. Every incident is intended to bring us closer to him."