So much more than a whisper...

My prayer lately has been, that I be open to what God has to say to me. That I would be still, quiet my soul, let go, and let God. After praying this prayer many times lately, I must be honest and say that this is a conscious effort and I have had to remind myself on many occasions to do so. It is very easy to get distracted with so many things going on, especially with my list of 'to-do's' to be too busy to be still and let my ears and heart be 100% available to the Lord. With a busy household consisting of my husband, two children, and our family dog, it sometimes can be quite the challenge to find a quiet place. This is why many times when I take a shower, this is also where I pray, quite a bit actually. Whenever I am tired, upset, overwhelmed, or just in need of a refresher, the shower has always cleared my mind and calmed me down. I think because it is as much a metaphorical cleanser as it is literal. Standing under the constant stream of water, it feels as if it is washing all the worry, stress, and anxiety away. I was having a bit of a stressful night, because in my head I was replaying some things that had been said that day or small occurrences that frustrated me and the more that I thought about it, the more overwhelmed I seemed to get. I have a tendency to do this to myself. I can be my own worst enemy at times.

I am just like my mom in the sense that I am a people pleaser. I am not trying to play the victim, nor do I expect sympathy. I am just naturally a passive person that never likes to upset others or have anyone mad at me. I believe this was a learned behavior that started when I was all of 2 years old. My biological dad was a very aggressive, intimidating man, whom most of the time I told what he wanted to hear, because I was afraid of what he might do. This is not a topic I want to go in depth about, nor am I ready to openly share, however, I do believe this had a big impact on how I dealt with conflict growing up. Since then, my biological dad and I have reconnected, and things have been moving slowly, in a positive direction. I believe his priorities have changed and he sincerely cares about me and my older brother, however, I do still struggle with feelings of fear and insecurity when I am around him. I'm hoping as time goes on these feelings will fade and there will be a sense of closure.

I seem to have quite a few dominant people in my life and knowing how to have relationships with these people is honestly puzzling to me. I have had people say to me before, "just speak your mind, or just stand up for yourself." This is much easier said then done and to put it into perspective for you, it would be just like telling a individual that always speaks there mind, to keep their mouth shut. I must say though, that in baby steps I am getting better each day at expressing myself and trying to let others know if I am upset about something. But you see, I have tried to speak my mind in the past, I have tried to express honestly and openly what is on my heart and I would say 99% of the time, I have been made to feel guilty about my feelings and in the end it only resulted in people being mad at me. Again, I am not playing the victim, I am just stating my personal experiences with conflict, and what the result has been in my situation. However, I do not think bottling everything up inside is healthy or constructive for relationships either. But as of right now, I am still in transition mode as to when and how I express what I am thinking and feeling, which leads me to the reason I wrote this post.

A few nights ago I was in the shower and like I said, that is where I do alot of my praying and I must admit I was having a bit of a pity party. I was praying to God asking how I would handle these relationships the rest of my life and not get worn out? How I would put a smile on my face and pretend everything was ok inside, when in actuality I was fuming? At the end, I remember saying, "if they always get to speak their mind, and they always get to be heard, God, when do I get to be heard?" After I said that, I felt guilty as if I was throwing a tantrum, as if I was a little kid on floor kicking my feet and pounding my fists against the ground, screaming, "when do I get my way!?" Right after I thought those words, I heard God whisper to me, "I hear you. You can tell me your hurts, you can tell me your frustrations. I am always here and will always be here for you. You can always come to me." And in that moment, those words touched my heart like nothing else ever has. I have such a BIG God that can move mountains, that can change water into wine, and yet He wants to take the time to listen to me! His wisper of a few sentences spoke a book of pages filled with love, encouragement and comfort. In essence He told me I was worthy, that I was significant. I was so encouraged by this message that I had to share it with a dear friend of mine that speaks words of love and encouragement to me quite often. And that is why I am sharing it with you! The world is an unfair place. We don't always get our way, nor are we treated right, but our God is bigger than any of this and He is ALWAYS there. If you quiet your soul and listen, He is whispering words of love to you.

Christmas with 2!

Sophia wanted to leave celery for the reindeer too;)

After setting out a glass of milk for Santa, Sophia decided she wanted a glass, herself. This is her sitting on the counter drinking her glass of milk before bed. I just couldn't miss capturing these cute little toes dangling over the counter;)

Christmas was a little different this year. Katie and Kevin headed off to Vegas to spend Christmas with his family, Buddy and Tracie and Noah were on their way to Seattle and my parents and siblings spent Christmas with my grandparents and extended family up in Washington. So Christmas eve and Christmas morning consisted of me, Jeff, Sophia, Peyton, Barbara, and Nelson. This was the first year, that we spent Christmas with just our little family of four, and Jeff's parents, and we quite enjoyed it! It was more quiet than usual, but oh-so relaxing and low key. Christmas eve was spent baking cookies to leave out for Santa, visiting the beautiful Peacock Lane and taking a stroll down the creative and scenery filled PIR. Thanks to my sleepy-headed little girls, we were blessed with sleeping in, and actually had to wake Sophia up at 8:45 to come see what Santa had left for her under the tree. This was also our first year with two beautiful girls to celebrate Christmas with and boy, was it everything we could have hoped for and more!

Peyton enjoying a mum-mum on Daddy's lap!

Sophia modeling her new scarf and head warmer

Grandpa Lou sharing kisses with Sophia

Best gift under the tree;)

While Sophia explored her new toys and gifts, Peyton crawled right over to her sports interactive toy and began putting the basketball in the hoop. She played and entertained herself for quiet a while, until she began to yawn and was ready to go back down for her nap. Jeff's dad then made a yummy breakfast and we visited and relaxed, while Sophia played. It was such a nice Christmas morning! Though we missed all of our family members that could not be with us, this Christmas was one of our favorites because the focus wasn't so much the gifts given, but the blessed time spent with each other!

Santa's Little Helper...

When Sophia was little, on her first Christmas, I took some pictures in our bed, of her wearing a Santa hat. So...I decided to do the same with Peyton, only in her crib. Peyton didn't seem to like the Santa hat all that much and kept trying to take it off of her head before I could snap the picture, lol. She seems to be much busier than Sophia was at this age, resulting in it being quite the challenge to get her to hold still for me to snap a couple photos. Here is the product of me sweating and being contorted in all sorts of different positions to try to capture some half decent pics of this little rascal, lol. Enjoy!

My Little Helper...

I can't believe it, even as I type it, but in two months, my first baby girl will be 3! I can't believe how fast she has grown and changed right before my eyes. She is a busy little girl, who loves to quote Dora, "vamanos amigos" and "lo hicimos". And I realized later, she actually knows what these two sayings mean. One morning as Jeff and I were laying in bed, Sophia came running through the door and said, "get up mom and dad! vamanos amigos!" And then another time when we were switching over the washed clothes to the dryer, she was helping me and when we were finished, she said, "yay! lo hicimos! we did it!" It seems to me, some cartoons are quite educational;)

Sophia has really wanted to be a part of every chore and activity lately, from helping pick out our Christmas tree, to feeding Peyton, to helping me make juice and even do dishes! My mom has a picture of me when I was little standing on a chair in front of the sink, doing the dishes. I loved helping my mom! Sophia seems to be the same way, and though chores such as laundry and sweeping take a little longer when she helps, I'm thrilled she 'wants' to help and that she is learning responsibility. The most recent project she wanted to help me on, was making chocolate chip cookies. I pulled a chair up to the counter next to me, and as I scooped the dough I would hand it to her and she would roll it in a little ball and place it on the cookie sheet. She had a blast being such an active participant in making a yummy treat and had even more fun enjoying the fruits of her labor when they came out, warm and fresh from the oven!





Sophia is also a big help with her little sister, Peyton. She helps me feed her, change her, and will get her a binky or blanket if Peyton needs it. She is little miss mom, and if she sees Peyton going towards the stairs or Hurley's water bowl, she lets me know. Every morning when she hears Peyton wake up, she says, "lets go get Peyton Mom." Then we go upstairs together and Sophia opens the door and says,"good morning Peyton. Peyton woke up Mommy!" She still has her little jealous moments every once in a while, but for the most part, she adores her little sister! If we are going to grandma's or the grocery store and I put Sophia in the car first, Sophia will say, "don't forget Peyton!"



When I first looked at my little angel on the morning of Febraury 11th, 2008 , I never imagined she would be this full of life and have so much character and personality! She is a ball of wonder and curiosity wherever she goes and knows just what to say to melt me to pieces. She is my daughter, my little girl, but mostly my heart.

On the Hunt...

Sunday we set out to find that perfect "Boss" Christmas tree! The adventure kind of reminded me of "Christmas Vacation" and we were the Griswolds, lol. We go searching with specifics in mind, and when I say specifics I mean, size, shape, and branch strength. The end result usually being a full noble. This year, we dropped off Peyton at Grandma's and took Sophia along to help. She was beyond thrilled to be included in this adult adventure and kept up with us at every farm quite well! She pointed at many trees and gave her input. The third Christmas tree farm we went to, Sophia got to see Santa and chat with him for a bit. He even gave her a candy cane and told her to leave chocolate chip cookies out for him on Christmas eve. She was glowing with excitement, from getting to see Santa, especially when we were surprised ourselves that he was there, lol. And though it was freezing and windy, she rarely complained and was usually running around and jumping amongst the huge Christmas trees. I, however, was freezing my buns off! After five Christmas tree farms, and in the dark mind you, we finally found "the one", the Boss family Christmas tree (with the help of Katie and Kevin of course). At the farm, the tree always looks like such a great size for our living room, and yet when we got it home, it seems the tree magically grew, lol! Standing about 9 feet all, I think this is our biggest tree to date. After a bit of trimming, Jeff and I stood side by side looking at our tree, with our arms around each other and big grins on our faces, we were quite pleased with ourselves. We are so excited this year because Sophia is old enough to understand what having a Christmas tree is all about and can help decorate the tree! The neatest thing is pulling out all of the Christmas ornaments and reminiscing over special "first Christmas" baby ornaments or picture ornaments of Sophia. We usually don't have a theme to our tree, instead it seems to be a display of who our family is as a whole. On it, you will find wedding ornaments of me and Jeff's first Christmas together, moving ornaments that we inherited from Jeff's parents after we got married, and of course ornaments representing our girls. It's a bit of an eclectic assortment of colors, sizes and shapes, but I love every single one and some have wonderful memories and stories behind them. We recently just got a family ornament made with everyone's name on it, including Peyton. Now our Christmas tree is complete! I may be partial, but I think this is our most beautiful Christmas tree yet!