Not that I want to sound an alarm, or cause a huge panic, I simply want to inform those close to us about a prayer request. Last time we took Peyton to the doctor for her routine one year check up, they did the normal measurements of her height, head and weighed her. She was in the 75% for her height, the 25% for her weight and the 92% for her head circumference. They printed out her growth charts, came back in and brought up the concern that her head has grown quite fast the last few check-ups in comparison to her height and weight. I just kind of laughed and said, maybe she'll be a genius.? But then her pediatrician said there it actually concern when this is the case because it could mean there is a tumor in the brain causing the skull to grow rapidly. My joking came to an immediate halt as I heard those words. After bringing Peyton home, I found myself watching every move she made, wondering if there could be any other signs that something 'not right' was going on. I have a tendency to want to fix anything and everything and in this situation knew I had no control. I also found myself thinking, 'I wish I could just have x-ray eyes that could see into that little head of hers and know that everything is okay!"
I know I just have to trust God and pray that He watch over Peyton and keep her in His loving care. At night when I put her to bed, I rock her for about 3 minutes in my arms and hum gently to her, and she often hums back;). Now as I rock her, I kiss her head, and pray to God that there is no tumor and that she just has a fast growing, gorgeous head. I feel the tendency to want to wrap her in bubble wrap and protect her from every single thing. But I realize that this is just preparation for the future with our girls. As parents we can love on our children and do our best to raise them and teach them life's lessons, but in no way can we keep them trapped and scared of experiencing life.
The other night, despite my many prayers, I had an out of no where cry-fest and couldn't stop. I believe it was because at that very moment I gave Peyton over to God and accepted His plan for her. We can say we trust God, and that we want His will, but to actually feel it and experience it is a completely different thing. It's throwing your hands in the air and praising Him whether He answers your prayer the way you wanted Him to or not. The tears were a mixture of letting go, not knowing, trust and finally peace.
I can not imagine going through life and it's struggles without a personal relationship with God. He is my inner peace and strength. Knowing He is there to listen and provide what we need, when we need it, just makes me picture His arms around me cradling me in times like these. So I ask you, if you can to please keep Peyton in your thoughts and prayers. I will keep you posted as we find out more! Thank you all SO much!!!
1 comment:
Lindsi I love how you write from your heart and from deep in your soul. You are a wonderful source of love and strength as you put all of your trust in the Lord, every action you take shows how much you are trusting Him. Every parent has worries and concerns about the "what if's" but it becomes so much bigger when there is a medical question behind it. We will put our faith and trust in the Lord and use our gift of prayer for you, Jeff, Sophia and Peyton. I pray that you continue to receive comfort in the Lord during this trying time. I love you. Barbar
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