Actively loving unconditionally...

Source: vi.sualize.us via Lindsi on Pinterest

I love the saying in the picture above because it opens our eyes to how we truly need to actively love like Christ, look past our own hurt, and see people for who they are! It is so easy to accept God's unconditional love through our own mistakes because it comes from a perfect Creator. We expect this love to pour over us in our times of darkness, failure, and regret, yet at the same time in our own sinfulness, we are hesitant to extend that same unconditional love to others. Our love has become 'defined' by our emotions and circumstances. If it's easy, convenient, or instant, then it is love. But if it takes time, effort, or swallowing our pride, it's easier to do nothing, or better yet let the other person apologize. I'm not just speaking of the love between married couples, but also family, friends and those around us.

What is love? The best definition of love can be found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (NIV)

 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance ... love will last forever!" (NLT)

I am guilty of loving with conditions as is everyone at some point, but what if we could transform our hearts with Christ-like love and have it be a more natural response, to love on our family and friends when our minds/bodies are telling us to cross our arms and stand our ground. I think many moms can agree with me that it's pretty easy to love your children when they are behaving, listening, and being respectful, however, it might be more of a challenge when your children are fighting, pulling each others hair,  or simply throwing their 'before dinner' temper tantrum. Like-wise, it's easier to show love to your husband when you both are agreeing on weekend plans, or you both had a good nights rest, but more difficult when exhaustion sets in or you've been home with fighting kids all day and your husband comes home only to ask what's for dinner and you shoot him a glance of, "I've been meeting there needs all day and now you want more of me?" (I type this with a guilty smile, because I have definitely been that wife.)

Let me be clear, I'm not saying I love my children or husband less because of the things I mentioned above, but it is definitely more of a challenge to 'actively love unconditionally' during these times and show patience & kindness, which in essence, is love. I actually read in a parenting book ( I can't remember the title exactly), that when a spirited child is having a melt down, one of the best things a parent can do, rather then try to get their crying/ screaming child to talk through it, is give them a firm hug. They explained that it gives the child a sense of security and calms down every emotion inside of them that wants to explode. I thought this was so interesting and it made me think how many times in the past I myself, have felt overwhelmed and how a big hug from my hubby or parents had reassured me that everything was going to be okay. I give this example, because it's the opposite of what we would normally do when working through a melt down with our children. We might send them to time out, or take a toy away. I'm not sure if your like me, but when my two girls (2&4yrs) get to arguing or fighting, my blood pressure increases and I sometimes feel like I'm in the fight with them. But to take a step back, show patience and then kindness by giving them a loving embrace when they don't necessarily deserve it, shows them unconditional love. I truly believe a transformation of both hearts takes place when this unconditonal love is shown.

Another example that is a little more intimate and personal was a few weeks ago my hubby and I got into a disagreement. Side note: Yes we have been married for 10 yrs. & together for 14 yrs., and are still the very best of friends and truly can not live without each other, but with that said, each day still takes effort on both our parts and we still have bumps along the way.

I can't remember what the disagreement was about (most people never do), but for whatever reason we were giving each other the silent treatment,  waiting for the other one to apologize because we both thought we were right. After putting the girls to bed, Jeff went out to the garage to work out, and I went into our room to read a book by Joyce Meyers I had purchased. I truly believe God uses everything around us to speak to us and I tell you the truth that when I opened up that book and started with the next chapter I was on, this is what it read "Maybe Some of It Was My Fault". Let me tell you, its a huge eye opener & heart changer, when you walk into your bedroom grumbling to yourself playing the victim and God shows you this! The natural reaction would be to fight it, to justify my position and convince myself it was all his fault. But I knew God was showing me in a loving way, to not be proud or boastful. That rather than focus on the problem that was dividing us, focus on the love that binds us and makes us one. I knew I needed to take the first step and apologize. When I told him I was truly sorry and loved him, I honestly felt something change inside of me, and I felt something incredible take place between us both. It didn't matter who was right or wrong. It wasn't even about the fight anymore.  In that moment we both actively displayed our unconditional love for each other and it was as if light broke through the darkness.

You might be saying to yourself, it was just a little squabble, not the huge deal your making it out to be. Honestly years ago, that's how I used to look at our marriage, it was pretty good, so why fix it. I am now learning that my relationship with my husband, my children, my family and friends are treasures to cherish and guard. I don't want decent relationships with any of them, I want incredible, blessed, and God-filled relationships. It was pastor Ted from East Hill who said, "You can't take anything with you when you die, except your loved ones with whom you have shown Christ." If God loves us in our imperfectness and through our sinfulness, how much more then, should we share this love of Christ with each other when we least deserve it.

I encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a daily and let it set your heart and mind in the right direction for each day. As children of God, we need to know what it means to actively love others unconditionally.

Slowing down and saying no...

I have the hardest time saying no to people. I think I have acquired this trait from my Mom in the sense that she is an angel and never wants to let anyone down. She always is doing so much for those  around her, she rarely has time for herself. My lack of saying no comes more from not wanting people to get upset with me. And so I often over commit myself, get exhausted running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and then become a huge grump. Thus, simplifying and rest have very much been a goal for me lately and more importantly something that God has really placed on my heart! I feel as though in the past I have raced through life, so much that I have missed God's direction for my purpose. I have set my priorities in the wrong place and focused on quantity rather than quality. My mind is often onto the next task, rather then being present in the moment. I have always, always as long as I can remember, been someone in the future rather then in the present. I have struggled alot with contentment, because I have always been thinking about what's next. I have prayed many times asking the Lord for a content heart, and what I didn't realize was that much of contentment coincided with rest and simplifying one's life. Lately when I have been asked to do something or be a part of something I have heard a strong voice inside my head telling me to say no. Not because I'm supposed to miss out, or because I don't want to enjoy peoples company but more-so because I truly believe the Lord is slowing my life down to almost a standstill so that I don't miss this time of growth and blessings. This season in my life has been one that I didn't expect and I know it is all for God's purpose and blessing, but one that has definitely caught me off guard. I have had an extremely sensitive spirit lately and have been feeling everything 120%, which as you can imagine makes life a bit harder. I also feel like the Lord is trying to show me alot about who I am and how strong I am. I have also yearned for a deeper relationship with both of my girls, one that shows them my heart, rather then just my ability to do chores and make meals. I want them to never question my unconditional love for them and know they always come first! I realized in order to make this possible, I would need to start simplifying and saying no, even if it meant potentially upsetting people or missing out. This is one of the huge reasons I all of a sudden quit making jewelry and had to say no to many custom orders. Putting my girls on the back burner was just something I couldn't live with anymore. Life has definitely been less stressful since I stopped making jewelry and I find myself not really missing the super late nights or sore fingers from putting multiple pieces together. The funny twist was that after I stopped making jewelry, I thought that was enough simplifying. However I have really felt God speaking to me in other areas of my life and wanting me to slow down even more. On one hand I feel lazy, and yet in my heart I have been thinking how nice this pace of life is. I no longer frequent face book, plan out my whole week or even blog regularly, all because I just feel God saying,  "slow down, soak in these moments and memories, because these are the moments that shape who your girls will become, how they nurture future relationships and how they view life."

Living for the life God has planned...

Sticky notes

Day planners 

Lists 

To Do's... 

This used to be my way of having a sense of control over my life. 

Source: whyichoosefaith.blogspot.com via Melanie on Pinterest

I have since come to realize, I have no control at all and in actuality, I don't want that burden on my shoulders. I would much rather take the hand of my Heavenly Father and let Him lead me. Not that my plans never worked out, they did. But it gets to a point when the planning wares you out, the lists become overwhelming and you start to realize you are the one keeping yourself in a box. A box of fear and self-doubt, and that if for some reason your day, week, month doesn't go according to your plan, you've failed or let some one down.

 I'm not saying it's not okay to have hopes, dreams, or desires for your future, but when you want to break down and cry or throw an adult tantrum because there was a hiccup in your day (this would be me:), or you didn't accomplish all the things on your to do list, then it's time to reflect on why the planning is so crucial to you. We all grow and change and now as I'm heading towards 30 I have realized, my plans are not necessarily my future. God has me right where He wants me to be and has made everything happen according to His plan. He doesn't want me to worry about tomorrow, He doesn't want me to plan my schedule so precise that I miss the day to day blessings, gifts, surprises. What He does want us to do is REST, yes rest, in His care. To TRUST that He loves us that much, that He has already figured out our future and will not give us anything we can't handle. And to THRIVE, thrive in our current circumstances and to make the most of these moments we have in front of us TODAY.

I still miss you...but now when I think of you I smile!

Source: s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com via OverRegnbuen on Pinterest

Dear Uncle Todd,
I was having a moment of weakness tonight, where I stood there feeling a little tired, a little defeated, and worn out by the things of this world. And as I stood there, my eyes caught a glimpse of your sweatshirt folded up on the shelf. Something inside of me needed a hug from you and needed to feel your love and joy you always spread to those around you. So I picked it up, held it out in front of me so I could take a good look at it, then pulled it in close and squeezed it tight. I know it may sound crazy, but as I hug it, it still feels like I'm hugging you and you are wrapping your arms around me tight in a big bear hug, smiling down on me saying, "little Lindsi, my little Lindsi, everything is going to be okay. A warm rush of comfort comes over me and I get a big smile on my face as I think about you looking down on me from heaven. I still think about you all the time and miss you like crazy. Though the time has healed the pain, you will always be in my heart and every time I think of you, I no longer shed a tear but get a big smile on my face because of the memories and legacy you left behind. You had a huge heart and all you did was give to others; your time, your talents, your love. I love you Uncle Todd. Thank you for the love and comfort you bring me and the incredible memories I will carry with me forever!

He makes all things new!

Source: labbryosukey.tumblr.com via Natalya on Pinterest

I have found myself tearing up a lot lately, but not because of sadness, but because I feel overwhelmed with love and blessings! God has cracked the shell of pride, insecurity, and imperfection on my heart and shown light through my brokenness to reveal His true and unconditional love. He has used the people in my life to display His character and take me by the hand to show me I am not alone. I thought I would be okay when I had everything together, when I felt somewhat perfect. But allowing others to see me in my brokenness is where I feel most like myself. I am real, I am me. Someone very dear to me once told me, 'No one expects you to be perfect, you just need to be you.' This not only erased all the pressure but it opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on how to live life!

Why women cry...

Found this on Pinterest and had to share:) Enjoy!

Source: thatmysteriousgirl.tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?” “Because I’m a woman,” she told him. “I don’t understand,” he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will.” Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?” “All women cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?” God said, “When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfaltering. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.” “You see my son,” said God, “the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.” Author: Unknown

Nature vs. Nurture...

Nature vs, Nurture...this has always been a huge debate. How does a child develop character and personality? Which has the most underlying influence on the growth and development? I have always thought both, but not in the sense of one really being a catalist or usher in the latter. You might be going, huh? What the heck does she mean? I'll explain.

I always thought that every child was born with innate characteristics and what the child was lacking or needing, the nurturing would somehow balance out. Kind of like a 50/50 understanding. In my head it has always made sense, that if something is broken, you fix it. Or if someone needs help, with something, you do it for them. That's helping right? Wrong.

Today, a light bulb just went on in my head, and I realized, that maybe I go about things in the wrong way when it comes to nurturing my girls growth and learning. My nurturing has not been 'nurturing' at all. Instead of nurturing 'the nature' part of my girls, sometimes I bend, force, or take over. I have little patience, yet I am constantly work on this area, hoping one day I can have patience like my Mother, who is practically an angel. No, really, she is! I guess, what I'm trying to say in not so many words (or a whole lot, lol), is if your anything like me, instead of trying to fix your children's short comings or weakness, rather then do it for them, or showing them to do it your way, try to 'nurture' their 'nature' so that they can grow to be who God made them to be. Nurture the areas they are still growing in and let them know that it's okay if they have their own way of coming to a solution or that you believe in their inner ability enough to step back and let them figure it out on their own. I think there is harm to being over involved in your children's growth and development. Sometimes parents have such high hopes and dreams for their children, that they start to take over and stunt their kid's natural gifts, talents, dreams, and opinions.
I look at my girls and it brings me to tears to think of Sophia trying to be who 'I' want or think she should be. The girl has a hard time with rhythm when it comes to dancing, but man does she love to dance! And I want her to always dance her heart out as if she's the best dancer in the world. I love art, but it doesn't mean that I need to push her in that direction because she should take after me. She could like math!?!

You don't realize until you become a parent, why your parents used to say,"because I just want what's best for you,or 'this is the way I do things'. And now I see and have experienced how easy it is to get wrapped up in the idea that we are the sole 'potter' for our children and who they become. No matter how much I try to make Sophia this passive little thing, she will NEVER be that way. She will always have an opinion, and see things in her own way. And I now realize how much I was trying to make her like me. It's sad, but the honest truth. I thought to myself, well this is how I was as a little girl, and this is how she should be. I wasn't used to the strength and motivation and independence that she portrayed from such a young age and rather than try to wear that down, I need to celebrate and nurture the fact that she will never take any guff from any guy and will never be anyone's doormat. Alot of her qualities, I wish I had. She is such an amazing little girl at the young age of 3 1/2. Most people think she's going on 5. She's a thinker and a do-er and so confident in her ability. It makes me feel horrible to think I was trying to change or stunt who God made her to be, simply because it did not fit the warped mold of 'the perfect little girl' that I had in my head. I put so much pressure on myself growing up, to be perfect in everyone's eyes, that I just now feel I am becoming who I'm truly supposed to be. I never want Sophia to be someone she isn't, or feel she needs to change to make others happy.I am so proud of my Sophia and that she goes at life with gusto, and yeah she may not have finesse, but she is strong and confident and absolutely loves life! I now see that her weakness were only weakness in my eyes, because of my perfectionist/achiever personality. Man, do you learn alot about life when you become a parent. I can almost bet, my girls are teaching me more, then I am, them. My hope is that as a parent, I bring out the natural best in my children, that these precious little girls the Lord has entrusted to me and Jeff blossom into the two incredible woman God has created them to be and that our nurturing does not stunt them, but rather assists them in their dreams and goals. This is what I think about as a parent and though my mind often worries, I know they are in God's care and provision and though I may fail them from time to time, He never will!

Unconditonal Love...

Have you ever wondered why a dog is a man's best freind, or why you just can't seem to get enough of little kid's hugs and kisses? It kind of came to me in the form of an epiphany while talking with my aunt on a late night, back road drive, while up in Washington. I think the reason puppies/dogs and children are so heart warming to us, is because despite our bad moods, or lack of sleep, our adult tantrums, our forgetfulness, our everchanging minds, and our self focus, they love us anyways. They fill our souls with a sense of peace, constancy, and sincerity. There's just something special about a child's tender hug, or a dogs wet kiss, because they do these things with no ulterior motives, no conditions, just purely out of the unconditional love they have for us. We can depend on our dogs and we can depend on our kids. Often, many people's pets are their children and it makes perfect sense to me now. They have the same uninhibited vulnerability, and transparent display of affection. They love with all their hearts, never contemplating rejection, never pondering jealousy. Their love is honest, pure and full of grace. This may sound like a 'duh' statement, but have you ever thought that maybe the reason God gave us children was not so that we could teach them about life, but rather that they could teach us about ourselves and our relationships? I feel like I have learned so many more life lessons from my girls, than I have taught them their ABC's or how to count. I thought that once I became an adult, I would pretty much know all I needed to know and I would be who I was supposed to be. Yet, sometimes I feel like I'm the child and my daughter is so much wiser beyond her years. Half of me is relieved, that it's okay that I'm still growing, and the other half is excited to see who I'll be 10, 20, 30 years from now! I don't have to figure life all out at the age of 27, but I do need to start loving like a child, unconditionally and full of grace!

Spin with me Mommy...

I have had tunnel vision lately in the worst way. It has brought me frustration, self-doubt, tears, and anger, however, God gently and lovingly pulled up a magnifying glass to my eyes and showed me in the little moments this weekend, where my focus should truly be. I am a nurturer, a Momma, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am human and make mistakes. I am a student still learning about life.
When my oldest says, 'spin with me Mommy,' as her eyes are closed and face up to the sky, I think to myself, I wish I had the free-spirit she has. It constantly amazes me how my 3 1/2 year old little girl can teach me so much about life in a simple twirl in the front yard. Or when she says, 'Can you just come sit with me Momma.?' She doesn't want some of me, she wants all of me. Isn't this so true of our Heavenly Father.? He wants all of our heart, mind, soul, and body. Not half, not 3/4, but all of it.
Honestly, I can say that hasn't been the case lately. Have you ever gotten stuck on the 'me' syndrome temporarily? Not a pretty sight, nor curable on your own energy. It takes the love of a Father to open your eyes to see the wonder, amazement, and breathtaking beauty in both the scenarios that surround your everyday life, and also in those big innocent eyes of your child. If we let it, the world will rub it's ugliness off on us and toss us aside, but if we cling to the pureness and truth that we have in our Savior, we will never be seeking a cure to fill the void. Here's to dancing through life one twirl at a time!

What's that in the sky?

The weekend we spent up at my Grandparents for the Cancer Walk was incredible! The walk began at 3pm on Saturday and ended Sunday at 9am. I went with the girls and walked from 5 to 7pm, then went back home and put the girls to bed. I ended up falling asleep while putting Sophia to sleep and woke up startled, hoping I hadn't slept through my late night shift. Thankfully, my parents were just getting home as I was trying to fully wake up. My dad took me to the track at 11:30pm and I stayed there with my aunts and cousin, and little sister until 6am, all the while, dance-walking laps around the track, talking up a storm, and remembering the reason we were doing this! My Uncle Todd passed away last November and in honor of him, my Dad's entire family participated in the Cancer Walk. My Dad even pushed my sweet Grandpa around the track in his wheelchair. It was such a special celebration, that we as a family could do, for my Uncle Todd.

On our drive home, the sun was shining and we were all in great spirits. As I'm driving, I hear Sophia ask me, "Mommy, what's that? She then points up to the sky and asks again, "What's that up there? Mommy, is that Jesus up in the sky?" I'm looking and asking her where she's looking, and to her it was as plain as day. She was seeing something we weren't. She saw Jesus looking down on us as we drove home. Out of all of us in the car, Jesus appeared to her. She wasn't distracted by the things she needed to do when she got home, or the emails she needed to return. Nor was she pre-occupied with the many things going on around the world. Instead she was living in the moment, eyes and heart wide open, peeking up at the sky daydreaming in the clouds. She was 100% available and she saw Jesus! It comforted me, and also reminded me, when I pray for guidance, wisdom or signs from God, I also need to have my heart and eyes wide open and be available for Him to speak to me. It's incredible the lessons our little one's teach us, not only about life, but also about our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

Letting go...

When you lose someone, does the mourning process have an end? Will I one day wake up and be okay with the fact that my Uncle Todd isn't here with us? These questions were running through my head as I stood in the shower last night and all the sudden,the tears started streaming down my face. In my head I was thinking, 'I thought I got this all out, I thought this stage of mourning was over." I guess I was wrong. I was annoyed with myself, with the fact that I should be over these cry-fests, and stop blubbering and find peace in knowing that he is in heaven with God. I felt like I was having a pitty-party, like I'm the only one missing him, and I know the rest of my family misses he so very much too. After I got out of the shower, I found an old sweatshirt of his that I had requested after he had passed away, when my Dad was up there helping clean out his house. I hugged and squeezed it. And honestly, it really helped and felt as if I were hugging him tight.

Ever since my Uncle has passed away, I have had a dream every week with him in it. They are always happy and we are over having dinner at my grandparents, or at a family get together. He is never in pain or pictured as I saw him those last moments in the hospital bed before he passed. He is always full of life, healthy and smiling. Since I have been having these dreams, it has felt so much like he is still with me. As if for one day, each week, I have had the joy of really-truly spending precious moments with my uncle. It has been a blessing and almost as if he never left. But as my mind usually does, it started snowballing negative thoughts, and it scared me to think that a week might come and go that I wouldn't have a dream about my uncle. The week I had this thought, I had the most vivid dream of all:

We were up at my grandparents, the woman were in the kitchen cooking, the guys in the living room watching sports. Lots of chatter and laughter, the sun was shining and the aroma was some sort of delicious dinner cooking in the oven. I was in the kitchen when my Uncle Todd came in. The whole family was talking about going to my Dad's birthday party and all the travel arrangements. I told my Uncle he had to come and that it would be so fun. He then said to me, 'I don't think I can make it." 'Why?" I said, "You have to, everyone is coming and it wouldn't be complete without you there too!"
"Because, you are the only one that can see me, Lindsi. No one else can see me." With that, I think my heart stopped and I lost my breath. I ran into his arms, tears streaming down my face. "But I can't leave you, you have to come with us, I'll miss you too much!"
"He hugged me tightly and said with peace in his voice and a slight smile, "It's okay, you go ahead. I will be just fine. I will always be here and will never leave you. You can let go now." In my dream I felt a sense of peace and closure come over me. My Uncle Todd was telling me that it was okay to enjoy my days, that I could be happy and not feel guilty because he was not here enjoying it with us. That I didn't have to miss him, because he never left...

I feel my Uncle around me constantly in the little things. When I look at my Dad, I see similarities of my Uncle Todd. When I see anything to do with soccer, music, or SCI-FI, I think of him. When I'm up in Washington at my Grandparents house, I think of him because he was over there literally everyday having dinner and helping my grandma and grandpa. He loved records, movies, board games and poker, but most of all his family. I don't think I'll ever stop missing him, nor do I think the sudden onset of tears will ever completely end, but the wonderful thing I do know is that this separation between our family and my uncle isn't for eternity. That one day we will get to see him again. One day I can run into his arms and give him another big hug! But for now when I see these things that remind me of him, I will smile and know in my heart, he is still a part of us.

Make Time for Love...

With two little girls and the hustle-bustle of everyday life, I sometimes find me and my hubby's alone time being put on the back burner. Not that I don't LOVE spending time together as a family with our daughters, Sophia and Peyton. Actually this is when I usually laugh the hardest and feel the most complete. But I have found that with another child and my hobby/home business growing, our wife/hubby time has been more and more put in the category of 'later' or 'next time'. Let me clarify what I mean by 'alone time'; I mean talking, sharing, laughing, planning, and dreaming together. And as much as I know we have to make sacrifices for our children, I don't think we are meant to sacrifice our relationship with each other for the sake of our jobs/hobbies/and even our families 'wants'. Maybe I should explain in more detail...The strength of the family and structure of the family (in my belief) come from the bond and love between the parents. So in other words, if the parents display trust, contentment, love and encouragement, than the children will feel those same things and feel true joy and happiness. I adore my husband of 9 years to no end and I am so incredibly thankful to have some one so patient and understanding in my life. If you know me, you know I can talk anyone's ear off and I love to talk through problems, aspirations and even about mundane things such as hair and clothes, so to have a hubby that will sit there and listen to anything and everything lets me know he truly cares. But I also want to be there for him too and sometimes after caring for the girls all day, working on jewelry in between and then making dinner, keeping up with the house, by the time the girls have gone to bed, I'm pooped and ready for bed myself. I simply have no energy left for him and this realization kills me! My biggest fear in life is that I would get caught up in the everyday routines and almost become a robot in my schedule and lose my zest for life and love. I have such an 'achiever' personality that I tend to focus so much on the goal and lose sight of the process. Like I said in a few posts back, I am getting better at living in the moment, but still need a refresher every once in a while. Well this is my refresher and I am seeing my life playing out in a whole new way. I am where I am in my life because this is exactly where God wants me to be. I feel like at times I am trying to run full force ahead and God is gently holding me back, lovingly saying to me, 'You're not quite ready for that yet, and when you are, I will be right beside you cheering you on!" I am not failing because I haven't achieved all my dreams, I am still in the 'process stage' of life. I am so in a rush to be finished, that I miss the small moments that are teaching me the most about who I am. One huge lesson I have learned recently is, I'm not afraid to fail because I now know it's not a personal thing, it's just not the right timing and from failure, we grow and learn. I have also learned that you can't make decisions, nor deal with people based on emotions. Emotions come and go (such as anger and hurt), but to choose to love that person or forgive that person is using the beautiful and logical mind that God gave us! Long story short, (after I've already rambled for five hours, lol) is this: When you truly love someone, you give your life for theirs. You wipe clean the slate, you bury your agenda and love them with every ounce possible. So even if your tired from a busy day, or they left their dirty clothes on the floor, look at them how God would and see them for the heart and soul you married. Brush off the bitterness, and stress of the day and make time for love. Make time to talk about your plans, your dreams, your goals. The dishes can wait, the TV shows can wait, heck sleep can even wait! Make the time to share with each other whats on your heart. So many couples wait until they no longer have anything to share or don't even know the words to begin. My hubby doesn't know it yet, but tomorrow while my mother in law watches the girls, I'm going to surprise him at work so we can have lunch together. Make time for Love!

Love...

I sat down with Sophia tonight and rocked her like I do every night. As I rocked her, we read two stories out of her princess book and chatted a little bit about our day and then we began saying prayers. I sometimes say them and she repeats me, or sometimes she just comes up with her own prayer. Tonight as I prayed, I prayed a prayer my Mom taught me when I was a little girl:

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I shall die before I awake
I pray the Lord my soul to take

As a little girl I found comfort in this prayer because no matter where I was, or if my mom wasn't with me to help lead me into prayer, I had something to whisper up to God. Something to let my God know that I loved Him and wanted to be with Him. And as I prayed this prayer, I always felt like my Mom was praying it with me. Because of the comfort, security and love this prayer brought me, I wanted to share and teach it to Sophia. So as I said each verse, I asked her to repeat after me. When she repeated 'If I shall die before I awake', she got a very concerned look on her face. She asked why we were praying that. How do you explain death to a 3 year old? She correlates dying with my uncle Todd because that was the first time she heard the word 'died or passed away'. So as best as I could, I tried to explain to her that I didn't want anything to happen to her, but if for some reason it did, I would want her to be up in heaven where God was taking care of her and looking over her. And then I went on to tell her, "Even though Mommy and Daddy love you so very much, God loves you even more!" I told her God put her in my tummy and made her. She looked at me trying so hard to understand what I was telling her. I want her so badly to understand how much her Creator loves every single hair on her head and designed every little freckle, mole, and blood cell. That she is 'special', 'unique' and wonderfully and beautifully made. I want her to know she can be anything she wants to be and that I believe in her. I want her to ultimately know her worth! I feel like so many kids these days don't feel worthy or know how special and precious they are, and I want to make sure my girls know that as God loves me unconditionally, I will love them unconditionally. I am of course their Mommy, who wipes their tears and kisses their boo-boo's, but I feel I am also their mentor and the words that I say to them and use around them are how they will feel about themselves and who they will become. We as parents, have such a huge impact on the growth and development of our children. And though as a human being, I know I will make mistakes along the way, I want to be able to look back and see that I was a positive example and tool in the woman they grow up to be.

What's in the water!?

As I was putting on my make up and Peyton was happily playing in our soaker tub, I look over and Peyton is no longer alone but has now been joined by a friend (I say friend with a sarcastic tone)"What's in the water!?" I believe this line comes from Caddy Shack, and unfortunately in my case it was not a candy bar. Apparently the combo of breakfast and a nice warm bath did not mesh too well, and relaxed Peyton a bit too much. Yes, dare I say it, a floating poo was in the tub along with my daughter and I about DIED the moment I saw it!!! I had never experienced this situation with Sophia, so you can probably imagine the look of shock, disgust, and panic on my face, lol. I immediately grabbed Peyton and put her in the shower. Then ran to get rubber gloves and plastic bags to fish out the catch of the day...GROSS! I don't usually have a queezy stomach, but this about did me in! I then removed the toys, sanitized the tub and re-cleaned miss Peyton. After it all, Peyton and I survived, but I truly hope this is the first and last time we go through this again! The funniest part, was that in all my panic, poor Peyton was just looking at me with confusion, like she just did what her body needed too, lol. Ahhhh kids, they keep life interesting, that's for sure;)

The Best of Friends...

They say you can't choose your kid's friends, but can I just say that if I could, little miss Elle Young would definitely be on my list! Sophia LOVES Elle and seeing them play together is so incredibly sweet! We lucked out with some beautiful weather Tuesday. And though a bit cold, it was dry, and in Oregon, you gotta take advantage of it when you can! Court and I bundled up the kiddos and met at Bridgeport Village to let the kids play on the outdoor play area. Elle and Sophia must have gone down the slide a hundred times and the cutest part was that they would hold hands and slide down together! Having them get along so well is especially neat, because of me and Courtney having such a great friendship. So even though we get together so the girls can play together, Court and I have just as much fun visiting and chatting about motherhood as well! What a blessing to have such wonderful girls in our lives:)!

Contentment...

I have always been a girl on the search for the next big thing, always planning, always trying to figure out all the little details in my life that would make me happy or make my life the picture perfect example of happiness. Well, I can say with a huge grin on my face and contentment in my heart, that I am no longer that girl. It has come as a bit of a shock to some because I very rarely know what I'm doing from one moment to the next these days, where as before I had every day chock full of 'fun and exciting' things. Now, however, I would rather lounge in pj's with my precious girls and do puzzles or paint pictures or just snuggle! They light up my life with SO much joy that I really could care less about what's going on in the world. Not because I'm lazy or because I'm self-centered, but merely because I'm learning to live in the moment. Things that I used to look forward to, I now loathe because it takes time away from me spending time with my girls. Not sure if it's my womanly-over emotional hormones speaking, but I look at their sweet faces and their big wondrous eyes and tears stream down my face. These little people standing (and crawling) before me, fill me with love and I sometimes wonder if I need them more than they need me. They complete my life and have taught me so much about compassion, love, and living in the moment. Sophia is at such a fun age right now and though a strong little girl, she has such a gentle and forgiving heart. She is filled with kindness and forgiveness. She is an amazing little person with such a wise soul!
And Peyton, well Peyton just has a zest for life! She is constantly smiling and goes at everything will full force! She has NO fear and picks up things after only seeing them done once. Now I know I am extremely biased, but I think I have two of the most precious little people ever created!!! The immense amount of love for the girls almost sometimes hurts because I never want them to feel pain. To have kids of your own, is to get a glimpse of what God did for us by sending His Son to die on the cross. What an incredibly amazing and loving gift. I feel so blessed to have a Heavenly Father that loves me that much! A warm house, good food, incredible family and love all around me...what more could this girl ask for:)

Sophia's Art Gallery...

Sophia has been busy at work creating some masterpieces! Go check them out on my art blog!!!

Answer to Prayer!

Today was Peyton's check up to get her head measured, to see how much the circumference of her head had grown in a month. As I walked in, I felt very at peace and felt no worry or anxiousness. We were placed in the room, got her head measured, and then the doctor came in with the results. She showed me the rate at which her head had grown in a month, and the growth had significantly slowed down! Her pediatrician said there was no longer need for concern and that everything looked perfect, whewww! Thank you everyone for your prayers! It truly is comforting and encouraging knowing there are others out there lifting our little girl up to God!

I then took the opportunity, since we already were there, to ask a few other questions that had been on my mind. I just noticed this about a month ago, but the muscle that attaches your upper lip to your gums is more prominent on Peyton. On her, the muscle actually attaches in between her teeth creating a small split in her teeth. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't going to affect how her teeth came in as far as crowding an not having enough room for all of her baby teeth (she already has my narrow jaws and tiny mouth). The pediatrician also said that there was nothing to worry about for right now and to wait until she is three and gets her first dental check up. Sometimes when all of the baby teeth come in, it actually shift everything and pushes the muscle up, closing the gap in between the two front teeth. So that was another thing to put on the back burner for now. Lastly, I asked the doctor about Peyton walking, or rather NOT walking. The general rule of thumb is that a child should be walking very well all by themselves by 15 months. So the doctor tried holding Peyton's hands and having her walk to me. She then saw the dilemma. It's not that Peyton can't, she just won't. In other words, she's getting where she wants to go fast enough with crawling and is refusing to try to walk. But again she said there was no real concern, and that if by 15 months Peyton still wasn't walking, we would go back in and then talk about a plan of attack. So for now, my list of worries (rather unanswered questions) is all blank and I am just enjoying my growing little girl!

In not so many words...

When I first found out I was pregnant with Peyton, my two thoughts were:(1) "I'm so excited for another baby!", and (2)"How am I going to love this one as much as I love Sophia?"

Well, I can honestly tell you as I saw the doctors carry her from the surgery table to her little bed to clean her, all of the worry melted away, and I felt an overwhelming amount of love for this little person, so much that it made me bawl, not just tear up, but out of control tears streaming down my face. I had such a connection with her from the moment I laid eyes on her!

Having two girls, it is so neat to see the similarities and differences, especially as Peyton gets older and becomes more independent and self sufficient. Peyton is more quiet and observes everything, where as Sophia will talk your ear off. And though Peyton is behind in some areas such as talking and walking, she definitely is not lacking in brains. This girl tells me when she wants to take a nap! Yes, you read that right, she literally puts herself to sleep! Today she was ready to take her nap, so she came to me, binky in her mouth, and blanky in hand and put her hands in the air and motioned me to pick her up. I then asked her, 'Are you sleepy Peyton, ready to go night-night?' While still holding onto her blanky, she then crawled over to our stairs and proceeded to climb up to her bedroom. Peyton also amazes me at how fast she picks things up! She will see Sophia do something once and next thing you know, she has mastered it! She already tries to put her shoes on and prefers feeding herself. She is also a pro at climbing our stairs and can go both up and down them with no problem.

She is a VERY happy baby that is always laughing and usually entertains herself. However, don't try to tell her 'no' or she will give you the evil eye (it's actually pretty cute and is hard not to laugh at). Just like her big sister, Peyton is determined and focused. She knows what she wants and she goes after it 100%, which I think is a good thing, especially as she gets older. She knows that for now, crawling gets her where she wants to go, so she's not interested in walking. She loves fruit, veggies, pasta, sandwiches, and chicken. She's not much of a fan of yogurt, cheese, or cottage cheese, which seems to be due to texture. Her big sister is her idol, and she constantly follows after her as her little shadow trying to keep up with every activity.

I never knew I could love another child as much as I loved Sophia, but now that love pours out of me and continues to overflow in the form of hugs and kisses, and night time snuggling. God has blessed me with two little angels and I pray I can be the mom they deserve!

Still just two teens in love...

Our trip to Palm Springs (Palm Desert), was oh-so relaxing and just the boost of vitamin D that Jeff and I needed! Though we missed our girls VERY much, it was a great time for Jeff and I to enjoy each others company and some alone time! We went to the pool to soak up some sun a few times, read together, enjoyed junk food and watched a movie in our hotel room. I don't think I have ever laughed so much, but then again my hubby has me laughing all the time. When we would be at dinner with his reps, or just in our hotel room late at night after our busy day, Jeff and I would be cracking up together. He would say something, then I would feed off that, and next thing you know we are acting like two big kids being goof balls! The one characteristic that attracted me to Jeff, was his sense of humor, and how even when we just began dating, he would constantly be cracking jokes and making me laugh. I love that we still have that spark and that after 12 years of being together, we still have SO much fun together and our love is only growing as the years go on! I feel like we are still just two teenagers in the giddy-love stage. My husband is an incredible man, and knowing I have my best friend beside me for the rest of my life is such a wonderful feeling of contentment. This line may sound like it came from a cheesy movie, 'but I seriously want to scream it from the rooftops...I'm SO in love!!!'